So as I write this, Shawn is making a police report.

Who remembers the show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?” Great show that took 5 gay style mavens to give a clueless (but willing) straight guy a full makeover – grooming, habitat, relationships – the works. Very entertaining and educational to boot.

There was a particular episode where Thom furnished the straight guy’s (Adam? don’t remember) apartment with a beautiful and expensive glass cocktail shaker and glasses. As Adam is rushing around getting ready for his date, sweating buckets, he knocks the shaker to the floor where it predictably shatters.

“Oh NO!” groaned all 5 guys at once, watching from a remote camera. Next out of Adam’s lips, repeated over and over as he tries to clean up the glass, is “This is why we don’t buy nice things, Adam. Don’t buy nice things, Adam.”

This has become an inside joke for Shawn and myself, uttered on a regular basis when one or the other of us scratches the new whatsit or damages the expensive whosis. *sigh*

But TONIGHT – ah, tonight’s cluster is not my fault, nor Shawn’s fault. (But I still uttered the phrase.)

Sunday night we returned home from the HDT Rally. Exhausted, we just parked the Volvo and trailer outside and went to bed. Tuesday evening, we kept the trailer at the house so that I could shampoo the carpet Wednesday, but took the Volvo to the storage yard so that we could park the other vehicles in the drive. Tonight (Wednesday) we used the F250 to drive the trailer over to the storage yard around 7 p.m.

Well, sometime in the last 24 hours, some asshole broke into the Volvo and used it to smash up the 6-foot security fence – possibly just before we arrived tonight! Looks like they made 2-3 attempts to get through. Then they parked it back where they found it. It’s bizarre!

I spotted the damage to the fence first, and wandered over to look as Shawn went to climb up in the cab and start the Volvo. In the fading light I could still see several dirty tire tracks on the blacktop and traced them back to our spot. Odd, right?

Glancing over, I could see that the truck was not in the same spot we’d left it. Yes, it was in our assigned spot, but much farther forward than we had left it. Now I’m just curious at this point.

As he climbed into the cab, Shawn was initially confused that the overhead lights were on and the door seemed slightly ajar.  I called his attention to the fence. We started looking more closely at the Volvo — and see that the front license plate is smashed up. There are scratches on the front bumper that weren’t there before. The rear license plate is smashed up and one of the mud flap arms is bent slightly. There are scratches and dirt on the rear frame that holds the 5th wheel receiver. The BRAND NEW key lock cylinder on the driver’s side is scratched and bent slightly. BUT there’s no damage to the ignition, and no indication of hot-wiring. Nothing’s missing, either, although admittedly there’s not much in it yet. WTH?


We’re just staring at each other wide-eyed, trying to put this together. The mind boggles.

At first I thought someone had tried to move our vehicle out of the way, as the parties on either side of our spot have changed in the last 48 hours; the Class A motorhome is back on the right side, and one of the boats is gone from the left side. My first instinct was that one of them had decided to move our truck to make more room for their stuff. But how? Nope, looks like this was a case of attempted theft.

Another storage yard patron, a landscaper with a big trailer of equipment, drove in as we were making these discoveries. Shawn walked over and talked to him. I don’t remember all of the particulars, but it sounds as though this lot and the storage yard next door have both seen a lot of theft. We deduced that perhaps they put the truck back in the spot so that they could come back later and make a second attempt, maybe with some large bolt cutters to get through the fence. But looking at it again today, I don’t see any reason why they couldn’t have finished pushing through the fence. It’s perplexing and maddening.

You can believe Shawn’s getting mighty pissed off by now. We’ve only had the Volvo for a month, and parked it in the storage yard for a grand total of about 1 week, off and on.

This is also the third time our belongings have been damaged at this lot. (The trailer has been damaged and repaired twice: once for hot tar sprayed along the side, and once for having the awning arm ripped off by another driver.)  The lot is lit, but there are no cameras back in this section, so I think it unlikely that anything will come of the police report. Luckily, it seems the damage is really all cosmetic.

I am glad we will be gone soon, living in our rig and thus hopefully less likely to have anything stolen or vandalized.

Don’t buy nice things, Andrea.


Postscript: The police officer who took the report last night was suspicious that Shawn had done the damage himself. ARGH! No, and we’re not planning to file any sort of insurance claim, either. Just want the asshole who thinks it’s ok to take others’ property caught and prosecuted.